Breadsticks & Bikinis

First off–I think many of you know my feelings on swimsuit season. It can go eff’ itself.

Here I am, relaxing in bed, eating a breadstick from Wing’s N’ Things–well, wait a second, eating three breadsticks from Wing’s N’ Things watching… of all hellish things — Fashion Police.

What woman decides to lay in bed in her stretchy pants… eating breadsticks… while watching Fashion Police? Apparently this idiot.

 

So, here I am, laying back, enjoying my breadstick that is pure perfection—nearly as perfect as the bacon I made (again) tonight for dinner. Then, this pops up on the damn television screen. I couldn’t stumble for the remote quick enough….but I did come across my iPhone. Perfect, I’ll photograph this and write a quick snippet about my feelings on this:

Oh, HEY! Look! It’s Carmen Electra—yeah, we know every mans ‘dream woman’….blah blah blah… apparently she was hosting a ‘fashion show’ of ‘CUTE SUMMER SWIMSUITS!!!!’….she showcases the ‘totally realistic swimsuits’ with models in their itty bitty bikinis and then she has a…wait for it….SURPRISE!!!!…..

Yep! She has one of the adorable swimsuits underneath her outfit…RARRRRRRING AND READY TO GOO!!!!

 

FML

Can’t a girl just lay in bed while stuffing carbs down her throat….in her pajamas and not have to see a damn swimsuit fashion show…and even worse…CARMEN ELECTRA in a swimsuit?!?!?! Come on! Just once, JUST ONCE, I’d like to see a chick on TV in a fucking swimsuit WITH AN ACTUAL REAL HUMAN BODY.

I’m not even going to go into the: ‘no wonder we have such unrealistic standards for beauty….’ bullshit statement. I just can’t. I am laying in bed….eating breadsticks…with a grease stain on my shirt…from the bacon I ate a few hours ago…

Turning on ‘Bridget Jones Diary’ now.

Good Fucking Night.

P.S. I did have a small inkling to hop into a swimsuit right now and post what a ‘real woman’ looks like in a swimsuit but….well, I am too lazy to get out of bed and find my swimsuit…and my spray tan from the wedding I was in last weekend is starting to fade…leaving me with a bit of orange/white/orange/white/slightly brown/really white/brown belly button/etc. ‘look’.

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