Hello, I am Ashley- Squirrel Master and leader of the easily distracted.
I started my morning with a cup of Joe and a Facebook perusing.
Oh, look! A new post by my friend Jill! Definitely going to check it out.
Jill’s article is funny and discusses the obscene price of wrinkle cream. I love Jill.
Oh! Look! I love this ‘click to tweet’ button feature she has! Definitely tweeting this.
Oh look, now I’m on Twitter. AMAZON! OMG HOW DID I MISS THAT DEAL OF THE DAY? Hurry, order!
I’ve now ordered not one, but three things from Amazon and make my way back to my friend Jill’s post about wrinkle cream and continue reading. She mentions a few different brands of creams she has tried and makes a hilarious article about wrinkle cream in a way that only she can.
Hmmm, I should probably purchase some wrinkle cream. I know I read an article somewhere that Cindy Crawford said it’s better to take care of the wrinkles you don’t have at a younger age by using her moisturizer than it is to try to fix them in your 30’s and 40’s. Wait. I am 30. FUCK. No, I am 31.
I slow my roll and go back to Jill’s post to continue reading.
Wait, I need to find that Cindy Crawford wrinkle cream. Just really quick….
Cindy Crawford has a wrinkle cream made out of some sort of precious melon. I watched the video, learned about Dr. Sebagh, heard the testimonials, added the cream to my ‘basket’….
…and then found out I have to sign up for auto-renewal and have this melon cream delivered every month. I hate auto re-newal. I already have WAY too many things that auto-renew right on out of my bank account, I am NOT adding Cindy Crawford’s precious melon skin cream to the list. You killed that sale, Cindy.
Okay, back to Jill’s post….
Jill mentions Oil of Olay! I love Oil of Olay! Immediately I am bombarded with thoughts of my medicine cabinet. I run into the bathroom to see if I still have that excellent Oil of Olay facial serum.
Shit! I ran out! Let me hop on over to Amazon really quick and just order that before I forget.
WAIT…
Is that a chin hair? Hold up.
I grab my tweezers and pluck that bastard.
Back to Jill’s post.
Wait, no. What was I doing? Amazon!! That’s right. I was going to Amazon to buy…..((reads entire article again)) Oil of Olay!! That’s right!
Ordered.
Okay, back to the post.
Oh, man, Jill talks about how some of the wrinkle creams are for firming and some are for lifting. I need both.
I want Botox. Why is Botox so expensive?
I am going to make a call really quick to a dermatologist about Botox…
Nope! Not spending $200 today, I’ll call back tomorrow to see if they have any specials running in the next coming weeks.
Back to the post.
I start reading again and I am quickly distracted by something else…
Oh my gosh!! Jill added a new Instagram plug-in to her page!! That is so neat! Awh, look at her boys, they are so damn cute.
I then make my way over to Instagram and click ‘favorite’ on multiple photos on Jill’s Instagram feed.
While I’m here I’m going to just check out a few other things. Why do I never wander over to Instagram? This is really neat. OH LOOK! I know that person!! **CLICK**
I spend a good 15 minutes stalking some other person that I know and favoriting all of their photos.
Back to the post.
I finish reading what is left of the post for me to read and I decide to leave a comment. I spend the next fifteen minutes re-telling (in the comments section) a story about this one time I sampled a wrinkle cream. I detail the entire story and then realize my comment is longer than her entire post I’ve just read.
I go back and start over, shorten it, and click ‘Submit’.
One post on Facebook has led me to Twitter, Cindy Crawford’s melon skin cream website, my bathroom, a chin-hair pluck, Amazon, three Amazon purchases, and Instagram. My initial attempt at reading a post that should have taken me no longer than 5 minutes to read has now taken over an hour. I have finished my cup of coffee, have purchased three things off Amazon, and I haven’t even showered for the day. However, I did pluck a chin hair. Win? Maybe…
I was never formally diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, however, I am certain that if one psychologist read this post, they would agree I not only have it, but I should likely be medicated.
To read the article that took me an hour to read and should likely take you about five minutes, check out my friend Jill and read her post, ‘Why Is Wrinkle Cream So Expensive?’, Here.
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Aw man, I was really hoping you were training squirrels or something. This sounds more like herding cats, which is essntially my job all day. Google the video about herding cats. You won’t regret it. Also, I do have a wrinkle cream recipe that is pretty amazing. Before and after pics too. Just search for “rosehip cypress” on my site. I <3 you!
Who is this Jill? She sounds fabulous, I must meet her. I know you probably don’t need another website to lure you…but you can buy some great beauty treatments (including botox) on Groupon.
Jill, schmill. You need to talk to that old broad from BLUNTmoms, the one with the billy goat hairs. Anywhoo. What was I saying? Grey vag hair? No problem, I can’t see past my muffin top anymore anyway sweetie. Great post, but maybe switch to decaf. Just a suggestion.
That is me all the time at work.. I am all over the place!
You had me laughing out loud at my desk…this is my life in a nutshell!…pun intended. My un-diagnosed ADD truly shines at its brightest, however, when I am cleaning the house. let me go put this in the closet in the bedroom…hmm while I”m here I will just make the bed…oh look I should get the laundry started….but wait, this room needs vacuuming! and so on until there are unfinished cleaning projects all over the house. So kudos to us functioning ADD’ers! Life is more fun this way, right?
OMG!!! This is me RIGHT NOW!!! I came into the office to put away the tape dispenser and thought, hmmm…Ill just hop on FB real quick…and then I came to my site…and now I forget what I was doing. Oh wait, THE STAPLER!!!! hahahahhaahha!!
…that cat video really sums up my life!
You know that lovely photo of you plucking a chin hair….. I need that sweatshirt. Where’s it from?!?
hahaha! ohh!! let me find out! i got it as a gift for my birthday!! i will check the tag and get back to you! 🙂
I can’t even begin to explain how much I can relate to this post! Ironically, I somehow stumbled upon your Eva Mendes post on someone else’s fan page, then read your last four posts and am now commenting here all when I was supposed to just check put one of her affiliate links. It was 30 minutes well wasted, though, I absolutely love your posts!
hahaha OMG!! YOU ARE ME!! That is exactly me! You are in good company here, Ashley. AND HOW IRONIC WE HAVE THE SAME NAME?! Okay, maybe ‘ironic’ isn’t the right word. Fate–there were go. It was fate. lol
hahaha OMG!! YOU ARE ME!! That is exactly me! You are in good company here, Ashley. AND HOW IRONIC WE HAVE THE SAME NAME?! Okay, maybe ‘ironic’ isn’t the right word. Fate–there were go. It was fate. lol