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Smash’s Successful Parenting Hacks
1. Do Not Negotiate. I repeat, DO NOT NEGOTIATE. Negotiating with people your own age is, oftentimes, useless as is. Toss someone under the age of 8 into the mix and it’s quite similar to negotiating with a terrorist. You shouldn’t do either.
2. Waterproof Mattress Cover. If you have a child who is still in diapers or a child who is transitioning over to big girl/boy underpants, allow me to let you in on the biggest hack of them all——A WATERPROOF MATTRESS COVER. Don’t trust me? I can send you my bank statements for the past 5 years to show you how much our family has spent on twin-sized mattresses. (Roughly the cost of a trip to outer space in a gold-plated spaceship.) My husband and I were beyond genius the last run around. We kept that sucker sealed in the actual plastic wrap the bed came in from the factory, wiped it down with a Clorox wipe, and tossed those overpriced Pottery Barn sheets right on top. Our little dumpling was none the wiser to her new, *crunchy* mattress.
3. Never tell your child the foods you dislike. I’ve never been a fan of raisins. I’ve hated raisins since I was a kid. I made the mistake of mentioning that in front of my child and guess what?! She hates raisins too! Imagine that! Turns out, she also dislikes stoplights, self-check out, and taxes! The only time I could’ve seen potential benefit to my verbal slips of things that drive me bonkers would have been Justin Bieber. Unfortunately, no matter how many things I say about Justin Bieber, my young one’s heart beats for him and him only because he is ‘sooooo handsome’. <<insert rage here>>
4. Hide any and all things considered ‘permanent’ in your home. My daughter is of the age where cleaning supplies are no longer a worry. There is no need to lock them up; I could make an entire cleaning supply cabinet in her room and she’d not dust a spec. However, nail polish, nail polish remover, Sharpie markers, and acyclic paint are super fun! So much fun that she had a Sharpied mustache for two days after an educational lesson at school about Abraham Lincoln. Even more exciting, multiple areas of my home look like Jackson Pollock came back from the dead and stopped by my home to re-create a few masterpieces on my living room floor with an acrylic-based paint and glitter as his medium. Yes, glitter is considered ‘permanent’…take note.
5. Don’t ever let your child see you ask Siri a question on your iPhone. We’ve all went to Siri for directions when we were lost, asked her what the weather was going to be like the following day, etc. Seems harmless enough, right? WRONG. My child took the iPad and secretly asked Siri if it was possible for sharks to get into the bathtub while you take a bath. If you are not able to visualize what Siri and her brilliant computer brain led my child to, allow me to enlighten you: A video of some *genius* who actually put baby sharks in a bathtub. My child hasn’t taken a bath since.
And, there you have it. Smash’s five parenting hacks. There may be a few more that I’ve forgotten to mention, but I can send them your way when I send you the copy of my bank statement with the astronomical amount my husband and I have spent on mattresses.
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This article first appeared on TODAY Parenting
Katie Lane- I love sub sandwiches, and I live in one of the few parts of SC not affected by all the rain!
Monique Williams *** OMG…I can’t pick…Authentic Cuban Food-In Cuba at Cuban Friends Houses, Turkey Dinners, Pot Stickers, Spaghetti and Meatballs, Greek-Anything Greek…..and So Much More *** Cornwall, Ontario, Canada-Border Town to New York State….Low Level International Bridge was built last year…..so……Old International Bridge being torn Down….OH…and some sort of construction on every damn street this year.
Love the “secret” post!!!
My favorite food is Tacos – and a fun fact about where I live? New Hampshire is home to the first ever widely publicized case of an alien abduction. In 1961, Portsmouth natives Betty and Barney Hill reported being abducted by extraterrestrials and taken into a UFO. Since July of 2011, there has been a state historical marker at the alleged abduction site.
http://www.movoto.com/nh/new-hampshire-facts/
My name is Heather Prosser! I love tacos and if I could make it my last meal i totally would! I live in Wyoming…..yep Wyoming….not a whole lotta excitement here….so yea *sigh*
My name is Leslie Ann and I love lentil curry. My hometown of San Antonio, Texas is the home of the Alamo and the NBA Spurs!
My favorite food is Chicken Supreme Nachos from Cheddars. As for a fun fact, Euless Texas, known as “Tree City USA,” has the world’s largest annual Arbor Day celebration. Fun fact about me- you and barb are my absolute favorite people on Facebook! ?
I love love love pizza. But who doesn’t. Also, I am from upstate NY and something interesting about that is nobody, can actually agree on what “upstate NY” actually entails!!!
Molly Bickford
My favorite food… Umm.. I love food in general, but I’m a coffee addict.. Lol.. Random fact about the town I live in is there is only 970 people here!! Small town living at its finest lol!!
Rachel Abbott. Picking a fave food is hard….I’m going with cake or cheese or peanut butter. Probably peanut butter because it’s the most versatile. And an interesting fact about my area of central Pasco County, Florida, is that the scenes with all the pastel houses and crazy topiaries in Edward Scissorhands was filmed here. Kids who I went to school with and who lived in the neighborhood can be seen in the movie as extras.
I love In-N-Out cheeseburgers animal style hold the lettuce. Disneyland is practically in my backyard. Did you know that good ole Walt had to decide whether to finish the toilets or drinking fountains in time for opening day? He chose the toilets because he figured people could order sodas if they got thirsty.
Megan Ortiz – I live in Arizona where it is so hot chicken’s lay hard boiled eggs!!
My favorite food…MEXICAN. I could eat it EVERYDAY!!!! Fun fact about where I live…hmmmm….I live in Lake Elsinore…and apparently there is a sea monster that has lived in the lake in the past. Her name is Elsie. She is a cross between plesiosaur and a sea serpent. She is missing and hasn’t been seen since the 70s.
I’m Jessica and I’m addicted to Rita’s Ice and cereal. Specifically, Captain Crunch Crunch Berries. Yeah, I know. 35 going on 3. And really, Smash..something interesting or awesome about where I live? I REALLYYYY need to tell you?! Two words. Murder motel. Haha!! No really, I love Maryland because we have all 4 seasons, the mountains and the beach. No other place I’ve been where I could experience snow and boarding in the winter and beach fun in the summer..without leaving my home. ?
Hi Smash and Barb.
Glitter is the spawn of SATAN!! I swear it ends up multiplying over night. But of course every class project needs to have some glitter on it. I even find glitter attached to my girls scalps, and I must say we have the sparkliest dryer lint ever!!
Heather Garcia
I love honkey tacos…. I put ketchup on my tacos. My husband is Hispanic and thinks that is crazy ketchup on tacos (but I have seen him do it a few times).
I live in Lodi, CA which is the birthplace of A&W.
My favorite food is pizza with extra sauce, garlic, red onions, pepperonis, and fresh (uncooked) olives. One of my favorites is the homemade pizza my sister makes & cooks on her barbecue with a pizza stone.
I live in Sacramento County and Sacramento in known for processing more almond crops than any place in the world. Blue Diamond Almonds, alone, harvests millions of pounds of almonds every growing season.
I’m Erika Truelovemy favorite food is anything mexican I live in Poplar Bluff MO which is about 17000 people and just a few miles south of the Mark Twain National Forest
I love strawberry licorice
I live in Wilmington, NC
Under The Dome was filmed here.
Trip advisor named all 3 NC aquariums top 25 aquariums in the US.
Jessica Hernandez. My favorite food is Chicken Alfredo. I live in hickory NC I don’t really think there is anything special about it it’s pretty boring lol
My name is TiffANY (not Tiff as claimed on FB–but you already know this!) and I L-O-V-E SUSHI. YUMMERS. Any sushi. All of Sushi. Get in my belly!! Also I live in the middle of nowhere in the Pocono Mountains PA and my area is JIM THORPE after one of the worlds greatest olympians in many sports!
I love, love, love ground turkey tacos. Unfortunately, my girls don’t have the same love for them, so I never get to eat them. I live in Honey Grove, Texas (aka The Sweetest Town in Texas) and named by none other than Davy Crockett on his way to the Alamo. Seriously. We even have “Davy Crockett Day” every year.
My name is Crystal Arguello, I love Mexican food. Guacamole, cheese, chips salsa, etc-yum! I live in Wichita KS- we are the air capital of the world, have a fantastic zoo and a great food trucks!
My favorite food is chips and salsa! Fun fact about me is I am totally obsessed with buttons, I have TONS of them. I make jewelry and other crafts with them and hoard them like their precious jewels lol.