Payment Plan Vacuum

‘You are the one and only person in my life that I know who can get themselves into the most twisted, fucked up situations just to score a good deal on something…’

 

Those were the words Justin spoke when I came home with a new ‘top of the line vacuum cleaner’ this evening.

 

Let me start off by telling you this: I take cleaning supplies very seriously. I am all for those Facebook posts that tell me how to remove the calcium buildup from your shower head, how to successfully remove any stain from any piece of clothing with simple and common products you can find around the house or under your kitchen sink. Furthermore, I am a SUCKER for a good deal. Regardless how ridiculous.

 

I somehow ended up signing myself up for a monthly subscription to the Honest company to receive all natural products to clean my toilets, mirrors, clothes, and floors. They had a 40% off coupon for your first purchase…so I HAD to do it. When I didn’t think I was scoring a good enough deal, I decided to sign our company up for one too. The problem was that I forgot to end the membership with them before the next billing cycle and now I receive two separate boxes of cleaning supplies; one for the house, and one for the ‘business’. Needless to say, I have enough organic cleaning supplies to clean an entire Westfield shopping mall from top to bottom.

I did the same with the JustFab.com website (shoe website). I saw that they were offering a buy one get one free deal if you signed up with their services. It seemed simple enough: place your order, then cancel the subscription before they bill your card the following month for a new pair of shoes. I took it one step further and signed my mother up as well and had the shoes mailed to her address. In reality, I was getting four pairs of shoes for the price of TWO! Only problem was/is: I ALWAYS forget to cancel the memberships. Now I have about 14 pairs of shoes from JustFab.com. Not to mention, my mom is still not happy that her card was charged umteem times for pairs of shoes that aren’t her style, let alone her size. Not to mention, they bill to her card as well as mine each month too.

 

Lately my newest quest has been finding the perfect vacuum. I have done more research on the perfect vacuum than I did on preparing for the perfect childbirth. Canister vacuums vs. upright vacuums, bagless vacuums vs. bagged vacuums, the truth about the Dyson vacuum and not believing the hype, etc. I read every consumer report and finally came to a decision. It was a tie between the Miele and the Sebo. German made, 100% QUALITY! However, the price tag was a bit intimidating. Natually, I did what I do best. I started bargain hunting. I looked all over online but there was just absolutely NO WAY I could convince my husband to spend roughly $1000 on a vacuum cleaner. WHO CAN!? Over the past few months I started doing Craigslist searches and kept coming across a guy in a local part of town that was very familiar with vacuums. He had been in the business for nearly 20 years and knew absolutely EVERYTHING there was to know about a vacuum, any vacuum. I told him that my husband would send me back to my homeland of Canada if I purchased a thousand dollar vacuum.

 

I asked if there was any way around that. I was very specific that I wanted a new vacuum because I wanted a good warranty. He explained to me that he offered a ‘payment plan’ so to speak. I immediately told him no, as I am not into layaway. Layaway reminds me of Wal-Mart and I cannot stand that place. I think the layaway process is really evil because it actually makes you think long and hard if you actually really want/need that item you are continuously making monetary installments on. I prefer to make purchases on a whim. Not be forced to re-think my decision every time I stop in to make a payment towards a toaster oven that I will probably never use anyways. I know, my logic is flawless.

 

Anyways, back to the vacuum…

The vacuum man blindsided me when he told me that I would actually get to take the vacuum home with me THAT DAY! He said he just writes down my address and sends me a bill each month for $40 for 24 months and there is not a drop of interest. It sounded too good to be true, so I had to stop by!

 

I made an appointment to come in this evening after traffic died down. I knew I must have walked into the wrong spot because what I saw when I opened the door was astonishing. First off, I was the only person in the ‘shop’ and there was stuff EVERYWHERE. I mean, yes, there were vacuums everywhere, but there was also a bed, a kitchen (or what appeared to once be a kitchen) and so many things in so many spots, I felt like I was in Alice in Vacuum Land, or on a really bad acid trip. At this point I was really glad that I had taken my box cutter that was still in my car from my days working at Trader Joe’s. It’s always good to have backup and you never know when you might need a weapon. Not to say this man was going to be a serial killer, but, uh, hello, have you seen the movie ‘The Craigslist Killer’?

I had texted Justin the address of where I was going, so I knew that if I didn’t turn up, he would know where to find me…well, hopefully he would start a search and rescue team.

The man couldn’t have been kinder nor more intelligent. He went over the inner workings of the top two best vacuums on the market and I was like a kid in a candy store. It is amazing how technical a vacuum can be and how many jobs they can fulfill. Did you know that a vacuum can actually enhance the overall air quality in your home? Welp, I didn’t. Did you know that some vacuums can adjust their height depending on how tall/short your carpet/floor is? Or better yet, how tall or short YOU ARE?! Again, ME NEITHER. I truly starting to enjoy my visit with this kind man and picked out the vacuum I wished to purchase…or, should I say, make a payment plan for.

Well, then this happened…

He told me that he was on his way to pick up the vacuum I chose from upstairs (wherever that was) and told me to lay down. ‘Uhhh, what?’ I said. ‘Yeah, here, lay down on this bed….we make mattresses too! You are going to love this bed. Lay down and relax while I go upstairs and get the vacuum for you.’

 

It was one of those moments where my heart was beating out of my chest and I couldn’t tell if he was just being overly polite or if my life was flashing before my eyes and a man with an axe was going to jump out and kill me. I looked up and saw a dog laying next to me on the bed and then just above his face was a surveillance camera (which I am sure was there for safety reasons to protect his ‘shop’ but all I could think was HORROR MOVIE!!! HORROR MOVIE!!)

 

I jumped up as fast as I could and got on my phone to text Justin. I already had five text messages from him asking if I was okay. I responded with this:

 

Needless to say, I came home with my vacuum cleaner but I was so frazzled I could hardly put the thing together. I suppose I learned a lesson, regardless how great of a deal something may appear, maybe brining a person for back up, or to ease your irrational fears….might just be a good idea.

The overall set up was quite strange and I am pretty sure that his storefront also served as his home, and I am pretty sure that the bed I ‘tested out’ was also the same bed he sleeps in at night. Regardless, the man was very intelligent and knew just about everything there is to know about a vacuum. And hey, I get it, times are REALLY tough. If I could do business out of my home and make all sales calls here–I would! I just fear that my two lunatic dogs, my six year old, and my bunny who has more tricks up his sleeve than David Copperfield when it comes to escaping his cage–well, I just don’t see it working out for me in the near future. The man’s business practices may not have been the ‘norm’ but they work for him and that’s all that matters. He honestly couldn’t have been more friendly, he even carried my new 500lb 100% German made vacuum and loaded it into my car for me.

I may get myself into some of the strangest situations on the planet, however, I do score some of the best finds! If you are ever in the need for a new vacuum, kitchen aid mixer, or a homemade mattress, hit me up—I seem to have all types of connections these days.

Hey, by the way, I’m really liking my ‘payment plan vacuum’.

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