Oh, Gwynnie!
I remember my 14-year-old self watching your acceptance speech as you won the Oscar in 1999 for ‘Best Actress’ in Shakespeare In Love and thinking to myself, ‘Hey, I like that lady! I want to be like HER when I grow up!”
I am so glad I opted against the platinum blonde pixie cut and following in your goopy footsteps.
Woman, you need to be doused in perspective, real life perspective.
I’m happy to see that you’ve accepted the #FoodBankNYCChallenge from celebrity chef Mario Batali. Apparently, in this challenge, you are to nourish your family’s bellies with a budget of $31.00/week for food, just as a family on the SNAP program would do.
I believe in raising awareness for all causes, but I’m quite certain my hopes are verging on psychosis that this 7 day experience may actually seep into that seemingly thick, narcissistic, skull of yours.
While I’m sincerely hoping that this challenge manages to bring you half-way back to reality, you’ve dropped some pretty idiotic statements over the years that lead me to believe that you’re probably sitting in France right now; likely enjoying an $89.00 kale smoothie while your $29.00 bag of experimental groceries rot in your $4,000 refrigerator.
In 2006, you told Conan O’Brian: “I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup.”
Hm. Well, you might want to pick up a hard copy of the Sunday paper and bust out your trusted gold-plated kitchen scissors, you’re going to need some serious coupons on your new $31/week budget.
In 2009, you told Elle UK: “I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.”
How do those words taste now?
In 2011, you were quoted at the iTunes Music Festival as saying: “I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin.”
Well, bad news here: I’m pretty sure that crack is a wee bit more expensive than Easy Cheese. Bust out those generic Ritz Crackers, baby!
In Your Cookbook, My Father’s Daughter, you wrote: “I basically love anything that comes in a hot dog bun… except hot dogs.”
Oscar Meyer is calling your name this week, muffin.
In all seriousness, I truly hope that this week living off $31.00 worth of food gives you an ounce of perspective. Maybe your next GOOP Holiday Gift Guide, you’ll leave out the ever-so-practical $550 traveling backgammon set or the must-have $5,000 gold juicer.
*Affiliate Link- But NOT TO WORRY, I’ve found you the ‘High Grade Stainless Steel’ version for only $1,469.00!*
Maybe you’ll think twice before opening your mouth and making ludicrous blanket statements that being a movie-star mom is a lot more complicated than it is for us moms with ‘regular jobs’.
I hope that this challenge teaches you a few things; mainly, how a large percentage of the American population lives quite differently than you do. More so, I hope the next time you sit back and ponder why you get slammed in the media so frequently, you will re-read the above ridiculous statements (and the countless others) you’ve made over the years and be sprinkled with a few drops of, dare I say it, perspective.
Seeing that fails, I’m all for starting a new challenge: #7DaysAsANormalMom, and I’d be happy to nominate you first. This challenge would include no chef, no gold plated juicers, no Jay-Z and Beyonce on speed dial, no traveling backgammon sets, no housekeepers or nannies, and certainly no vagina steaming. I’m certain there are plenty of moms who would gladly welcome you to step into their $25,000/year-household-income shoes and show you the ropes.
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wait, what??? She gets her Vagina STEAMED?! If I want a do it yourself do I just take my dress steamer and go to town?!
She’s so out of touch with reality it’s gross. I understand she has money and she doesn’t need to pretend that she doesn’t, but don’t ever try to be relatable because you fail MISERABLY at it. As always, your post had me rolling. Too funny!
Let’s face it, we all know she sent her assistant out to buy this stuff for her at Whole Foods. Then she plopped it all down on her marble countertops and pretended to know all about it. What the heck does she need seven limes for? I can understand one maybe, but seven? Pretty sure Tequila isn’t covered by food stamps, which is the only reason we’d ever need seven limes at once.
Gwynnie, you are not relatable, nor will you ever be. I highly doubt you will be eating black bean scrambles with salsa for seven days. Someone definitely took this picture for her while she is on vacation in the south of France. This is hilarious!
Boom! Drops mic!
I’m all for celebrities *actually* trying to live off what someone with SNAP benefits does and sharing the experience to give others a better understand, but I’m not entirely sure if that’s the most representative food snapshot. Like Cajun said, what could she possibly need that many limes for?
Maybe she cleanses her nipples with limes? Who knows. I mean, the vagina steaming thing was PRETTTTTTY strange.
Okay, I admit that I am huge on the Farmers Market. I eat pretty healthy and I don’t do hot dogs, cheese from cans and I also wouldn’t touch a Cup-A-Soup or allow my bonus (aka step) daughters to eat them while in my home either. I also don’t drink soda, energy drinks or juice from cartons. BUT… that said I don’t drink $89 smoothies and I definitely would not say some of the BS that has come from her mouth.
But wait. There is something much more important I have to address here. She steams her vagina??? NOOOO!??? Is that really a thing?
Googling “vagina steaming” now.
OMG this is so freaking hilarious. I don’t really follow her at all and sure she is pretty sometimes. But for her to actually say those things is certainly worth a big dose of Perspective. I can’t believe that she would say that. But seriously if you are on SNAP and have a family, I can promise you are getting more then $31 a week for food. I remember when my 3 kids were little and I got Food Stamps and I would get almost $500 a month. My kids were all under the age of 6 and I worked full time making $7.50 a hr. Trust me when I say there are alot of people who eat better on SNAP then people who don’t have it. I haven’t been on SNAP in over 15 yrs now but they still get more then $31 a week per person.
Thanks for sharing. Gave me a laugh for the morning.
This has been such an interesting topic. Yes, she is out of touch and never will understand (her mom an very successful actress) Gwen probably has never had to want in her life and especially for food. When my kids were younger we grew a big garden to supplement our lack of money for food, despite my working. Yet, even when I only had $20 to go shopping (for 6) it included eggs, milk, cereal, beans, rice & if lucky an occasional meat on sale. I agree with Cajun she probably sent her assistant to grab the stuff, even if she made the list. Did she think drinking lime water would make her feel full after hot yoga? Thank goodness times are better for me. But, when thinking of others and food stamps we should all remember to donate food to the food banks to help those in need. Food banks help supplement those on food stamps or those that do not qualify but, are still in need. Oh Gwynnie!
This woman is so bat shit cra-cra that it makes me choke on my chorizo. Whhaaaat the fuuuuuuu? Maybe she was a meth head in a time period that we don’t know about and that is why her brain works the way it does. You nailed it with this one. Oh, and btw, can you blend my ass up a green smoothie with gold flakes sprinkled on top? Thanks love. Great post!!
What does a steamed vaginia even do??? I can’t believe some of the statements she’s made over the years, and I think if people with money are going to try and “live like normal people”, they need to do it for more than a one month grocery challenge.