Kids Are Effin’ Messy

Children are great, Barb provides me with more laughs than any human on the planet, however, she’s also taught me quite a few things; one in particular: Kids Are Effin’ Messy (!!!!!!)

Having children teaches you many things. Maybe your level of patience was re-defined when adding your mini-humans to your clan, maybe you learned a new definition of “unconditional love” when you brought your first baby home…

Or, maybe you’re like me. Having a child taught me that my home would never, ever, be clean again.

I used to have the most organized home, I knew where everything was; I had a labeled spice cabinet, I shampooed my carpets once a month—-and then this tiny little person came into my life, now known as “Barb Marley,” and things were forever changed.

I’ve come to find that the disasters come in stages. At first, babies toss back up half of what they’ve just guzzled down. Then, as toddlers, they are on the run and you are a mad-woman with WetWipes, or a soiled wash cloth tossed over your shoulder at all times to protect the beautiful couch you purchased with the money gifted to you on your wedding day.

I think there comes a point in about 99.9% of parents’ lives when they realize “This is never going to fucking happen. I give up.”

That was pretty much me. As a toddler, I let Barb wander the house with bags of Goldfish and they’d be stuck to our feet and crunched into the crevices of the baseboards and hardwood floors for at least a week, or, until Baby Barb decided to play with the broom and brush them under the couch. 

As these little hooligans age, things do get a bit better. And, by “a bit,” I mean that they are able to actually eat off of their plate with a fork (sometimes), you don’t have to worry about them picking up the bowl of tortilla chips and salsa on the table and dumping it over their heads, or sticking their entire foot inside of your take-out Mexican food on a nice trip to the beach… (again, most days), but overall, the messes really just change.

Grubby hands from toddlerhood transitions to a bedroom that looks like a category 5 hurricane just ran through. Or, better yet, YOUR CAR!!!

When Barb was tightly packed into her infant car seat, there wasn’t much she could get into. HA. Now, she is forward facing and the second boredom strikes (which is approximately 4 seconds after pulling out of the driveway) chaos ensues.

I prefer distraction-free driving so I toss her the iPad and a snack in order to safely, and sanely make it to our destination.

One of Barb’s favorite snacks (aside from chocolate, candy, and doughnuts) are the fruit crushers. We buy them at Costco, Trader Joe’s, Target, everywhere. 

I love them because a lot of them are sneaky and somehow manage to incorporate veggies without my little Barb Einstein knowing.

Well, I took my car to the carwash the other day and found THIS on the seat. Upon closer inspection, it appeared she had sat on it, which means that somewhere, in the mass piles of hopefully-soon-to-be-done laundry, there is a pair of pants with the same stain.

I walked into her room three days later and we had just stocked up on her favorite fruit squisher flavor, Banana, and sure enough, there were about 8 of these suckers in her room. Barb’s room is not, what I call: “WALKABLE.” Meaning, you cannot walk more than one step without stepping on something else. So, needless to say, our fruit and veggie squishers are stepped on accidentally by either her, or the dogs, OR ME, and if no one notices fast enough, we have a new line-up of roommates known as: FUCKING ANTS.

This awesome company reached out to me about their new product they invented, the Pouch Pal. At first I said: “Oh, no no. My daughter is way too old for something like this!” and then I did a mental recap of the past month with my daughter’s obsession with these pouches and decided that MAYBE SHE ISN’T too old to give this a try.

I watched the video and fell in love with the company right away because their video is pretty fucking hilarious, watch it: 

See? So, I had them send one my way and give it a try. Sure enough, Barb thinks it’s something awesome that came in the mail for her, and just as she is obsessed with the final step to brushing her teeth, DENTAL FLOSS, she now demands that this be part of every squished snack.

Listen up—if you guys have a baby, or a toddler—this thing is AWESOME. The little ones cannot SQUEEZE the fruit pouch, they are required to suck, as they would with a bottle or a sipppy cup. It is extremely easy to use, it’s BPA free, and dishwasher safe, and as I like to say “Home Squishaster Safe.”

I doubt that Barb will use it for much longer seeing she is seven, but I think this is a badass invention. I am pretty sure that I’d like to have another Barb one day, and I’d definitely keep this sucker around as I remember all too fondly what it was like feeding Barb the Baby/Toddler. They like to have control over what they are eating and this affords them that, while also giving you a slight piece of mind that they won’t go “Fruit-Pouch-Monet-Splatter” all over your new couch.

Pouch Pal is offering a giveaway to one of my Smashers’/Barb’s for one of their Pouch Pal’s to one of you awesome Smasher’s or Barb’s. I know a lot of you have little ones, so I figured this would be a fun giveaway.

In our traditional fashion, Barb and I will pull the winner via our “Trusted Kitchen Bowl” and post to Facebook!

To Enter:

Check out Pouch Pal on Facebook.

(If you’re feeling friendly, SAY HI!!!)

Follow Pouch Pal on Instagram

Valid to US and Canada only. Contest/Giveaway entries end Sunday July 12th. Winner to also be announced that day!

UPDATE: Pouch Pal reached their Kickstarter goal and is now available on their site PouchPal.com and also on AMAZON!!

Don’t forget! One click on the brown banner gives Smash ONE VOTE!!! PURRTY PLEASE!!!! Just a click and you help your pal out!

Disclosure of Material Connection: This is a “sponsored post.” The company who sponsored it compensated me via a cash payment, gift, or something else of value to write it. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.