You know it’s going to be a great day when a box of lube lands at your doorstep courtesy of USPS.
I dove into that box the same way I dive head first into a Double Double at In N’ Out.
I was SO excited. Lube being delivered to my front door from K-Y themselves…. Could my life get any better? No. No it can not.
However, allow me to backtrack a little bit here. I shall paint a picture for you, use your imagination for the brushstrokes.
It was 1993. I was in my parents bedroom, and on each side of their bed, they had two night stands. On the left side of the bed, there was a telephone connected to a phone jack. We had a cordless phone (which was new thing at the time) and the battery had died.
I needed to phone my mom at work, so I had waltzed into my parents bedroom to use the telephone. I looked high and low for the phone, but it wasn’t on the nightstand, so, I followed the cord from the wall phone-jack. Sure enough, the phone had fallen into the top nightstand drawer. I opened the nightstand drawer and pulled the phone out, and what met my eyes completely astonished me.
“What in the ACTUAL HELL IS THIS STUFF?” I thought to myself.
And then it hit me…
With a mighty quick investigation of my parents nightstand drawer, I realized my parents had sex!!!
“EWWWW!!!!” my third-grade brain said back to me.
I made the call I’d intended on making to my mom, and then placed the phone in the exact same spot as I’d found it as I didn’t want them knowing that I’d found their “love stash.”
Ironically, I didn’t bring this up again until just this past weekend. I told them, over dinner, in front of their friends that were visiting, this story the other night. My parents died laughing, my dad absolutely howled. I thought he was going to cry, he was laughing so hard.
However, the funny thing is, from that moment forward (1993 and on), I just embedded in my brain that K-Y was for old people. I realize now how ridiculous that sounds, but honestly speaking, every time I heard the word, I think of what I saw in my parents night-stand drawer.
Well, ironically enough, K-Y reached out to me about checking out their products and writing a post about them. I told them that I only write posts for people who send me boxes of lube in the mail (I’m super professional like that)—and to my surprise, a couple days later, guess what landed on my door step? A box of lube! I shit you not.
I was beginning to like these people. They had a sense of humor, and they were willing to play ball with Sarcastic Smash.
So, while Barb was at school, I decided to open my little package and investigate. I needed ideas to write my lube post for K-Y, the people that so kindly sent me lube in the mail!
However, what I didn’t give too much thought to was how strange all of this might appear to someone who, let’s say, happened to come home early from work to each lunch–for instance, my husband…
I was sitting at my desk, with my bottles of “Yours & Mine” K-Y lube, and applying them… to my arm. Looking back, yes, that is a little weird, but in the moment, I swear all of this seemed completely normal.
Justin came walking into my office and looked at me with a perplexed look.
“What the hell are you doing? Is that lubrication? Are you…. Wait…Why are you putting that on your arm???” he asked.
I suppose all I was missing was porn on my computer screen, really when you think about it…
“I’m testing out this lubrication K-Y sent me! Feel it! It’s silky!! The man lube is warming and the lady lube is tingly and as the box says, ‘put the two together for a totally new, unexpected experience!’ They weren’t kidding, Justin!!” I responded.
Justin was still lost: “Wait, who sent you this? And, I still don’t understand why you are sitting at your desk with lube on your arm…? You do a lot of really weird shit, babe, but this one tops the cake.”
I tried to explain that a good person will actually put a product to test before they write about it, and unless he wanted me to write about our sex life, he really needed to back the fuck off. I gave up on explaining it to him and continued on my merry way…
So, what I learned about this Yours & Mine lube is that when mixed together, well, it creates a special sensation, if you follow me. **wink*wink** (That’s my arm winking at you.)
So, after I gave myself a K-Y lubrication massage (on my arm, on my own), **side note, I am dying laughing writing this and re-counting these events. I really am a whack job–NO PUN INTENDED!!** I decided to venture to their site for a little more information. This company was trying to convince me that their products maybe weren’t just for old people–and I was starting to drink their medicine.
So, off I wandered to K-Y.com. Oh, boy, you guys. I am here to make an official announcement:
Seriously. Where have I been? As it would turn out, my parents are probably, in fact, wayyyy ahead of me. Since 1993, I’ve thought that K-Y was just for the over 50 crowd. WRONG. DOUBLE WRONG. I mean, seriously, look at this stuff!
Sensual, Passion, COUPLES PLEASURE GEL?
I am so disappointed in myself. They always say “Never judge a lube based off the one your parent’s used.” Wait.. something like that. But, still. I judged a book by it’s cover and now I feel I owe K-Y an apology.
Just as I was about to write my apology letter to K-Y, I found out…wait for it…K-Y HAS SEX TOYS. Yep!
Seeing I’ve covered the grounds of lube, talking about my parents and lube, talking about testing lube on my arm…I am going to just leave you with a link to check out K-Y’s fun sex-toys on your own.
K-Y, I’m sorry I thought you were only for old people. You have proved me wrong. Really, really, wrong. If anything, now I feel like I’ve nearly missed the cool, K-Y Lube crowd. I hope I’m still hip enough to join in.
So, I have a feeling that I might be reamed by a few of you for this post seeing my “K-Y is for old people” banter–but, am I the only one who thought that K-Y was only used by our parents? And, did you know you can buy your lube on the internet?! That makes for a much easier shopping trip… I must say…
Alright, so let me have it. Share your secrets with me, you guys try this stuff? Which is your favorite?
I sincerely hope you enjoyed this post HALF as much as I enjoyed writing it. If so, do your girl a favor and give me a click on the banner. One click a day keeps the lube coming my way! HAHAHA.