My child is one of those ‘go with the flow’ type of kids. She isn’t intimidated to try new things and test the waters of ballet, gymnastics, summer camps, etc.
My husband, Justin, found a flyer at her gymnastics studio that was advertising the opportunity for children to participate in a San Diego Charger’s Girls’ cheer camp. The cheer camp would result in the kids being invited to cheer at a San Diego Charger’s half time show. He came home and told me how much fun he thought Haydan would have if she participated.
I was onto him immediately. Justin wanted to drag our kid to three 4 hour cheerleading training sessions…..all while watching the Charger’s Cheerleaders teaching the kids the routines in their tight bootie shorts and crop tops.
Being overly secure in my stretchy pants, unkempt hair, sexy beast ways, I let him know I was down with the plan. Haydan was also overly stoked at the chance she might have the opportunity to cheer at a Chargers game…. ‘like a real cheerleader’, so I went with it.
Justin chaperoned Haydan to her first practice a few weekends ago. It was four hours long and they both came home looking like well-done lobsters. Naturally, he didn’t think of sunscreen, drinks, snacks, or anything else that a 6-year-old would need to be fully equipped to tackle four consecutive hours in the sun. I reminded him that our small human has inherited her mothers ‘Casper’ complexion and he assured me it wouldn’t happen again.
In order to participate in the cheer camp, there was a one time $175.00 fee, and furthermore, each child also had to raise an additional $175.00 to benefit the Make-A-Wish foundation. I can’t complain about the Make-A-Wish foundation donation as that would make me an even bigger asshole than I already am, however, let’s just say that I am not at all a fan of asking people for donations, regardless their nature. It makes me feel like a Mary Kay rep who is two sales away from her pink Cadillac. I’d just rather throw money at the ‘cause’ and call it a day. That’s a shitty lesson for a child so I went with it and half-way committed.
We compromised and put a little quip on FB with a photo of Haydan begging for donations and tagged every family member so they would feel obligated to chip in. Thinking back, that was actually an even bigger asshole move… We knew none of them would say ‘No’.
Thankfully, our family likes us half way, or at least our child, and the checks started rolling in. Haydan reached her mandatory donation amount and we didn’t have to dig any deeper into our wallets than we already had.
Justin let me know he was informed that if Haydan raised $1000.00 in donations, she would be invited to a sleepover with the Charger Girls…and HE really wanted to go to that sleepover, so clearly, we had to take this seriously.
As they were walking out the door Saturday to attend cheer practice numero dos, Justin lets me know I need to hop on the computer to order the ‘Commemorative DVD’, the ‘Commemorative Photo Package’ and then he blindsides me with this: ‘Oh, and they are selling the Charger Girls’ Swimsuit Calendar! If the kids buy one, each Charger Girl will sign her designated month.’
I was stunned. Look, I am by no means a ‘good’ parent. I say more ‘bad words’ than good ones and most of my parenting decisions border on questionable…however, a fucking swimsuit calendar…for little girls!? Is this real life? How in the world is that in the least bit appropriate? Even I, the true definition of ‘inappropriate’ was not understanding this.
Why yes, I think that is a superb idea! Let’s purchase that swimsuit calendar for our daughter so she can adorn it to her wall and aspire to grow up to be a Victoria’s Secret Supermodel who prances around in wings and bikinis.
Uhm. Not fucking happening.
Hell, aside from the tight outfits and fake boobies, at least cheerleading is considered a sport. What message is a bikini calendar sending my kid? At this point, I was really re-considering this entire Jr. Cheerleading deal.
My husband chimed in and assured me he had no intentions of purchasing the calendar as he thought it was wildly inappropriate too, however, I wouldn’t at all be surprised to see a autographed copy of the calendar hanging in our garage on January 1, 2015.
Who in there right forsaken mind thought this to be a genius move? I signed my kid up because I thought we were benefitting a good cause, Make A Wish. Who am I kidding, I signed her up because it meant three Saturdays in a row without either one of my family members present, three Saturday’s where I was left in peace to eat cookies and watch Netlfix. But, the Make-A-Wish thing was an added bonus…
I now have to explain to my kid why she wont have the bikini calendar and furthermore, that posing in your skivvies on a lighted soundstage with fake sand and plastic palm trees is not ‘cute’, not ‘cool’, or any other adjective other than: ‘RIDICULOUS’.
I was certain to send her out to cheer practice on Saturday in an outfit that screamed ‘MY MOM IS LAME AND MADE ME WEAR LEGGINGS UNDER MY SHORTS AND THIS RIDICULOUS EXCUSE FOR A CHEERLEADING OUTFIT’
If it’ wasn’t 90 degrees that day, I would have put her in a full sweat suit.
Oh good grief I’m dying. Pretty sure I just snorted in my cubicle to keep from laughing out loud. I can’t decide if I like the Sexy beast picture of you or the dinosaurs talking to Hayden more. Bahahahaha!
hahahaha!! I thought the dinosaur creation may just have been one of my biggest masterpieces thus far!! However, my in my pregnancy underwear is PRETTTTTTY amazing, too!!!
Too funny! Love the sexy beast outfit!! And posting that adorable pic of your daughter and tagging family members is actually a brilliant idea to raise money! I need to try that when my little ones start selling things haha!!
See, Ana! Not just a hat rack over here 😉 lol
That is crazy, but your post about it all made my day. I cant stop laughing.
Well that is music to my ears. At least someone is laughing about it…. hahaa
This. Is. HILARIOUS. For one, who gives kids a signed swimsuit calendar in the first place? The team should’ve known better. Talk about teaching them about issues with body image at such a young age. The picture of you is too much! Haha I wish I had half of the balls you do, and I mean that as the highest form of flattery:)
Ohhh, Joanna. I really do put it out there, don’t I?! hahaha. That picture was actually from an old post….when I found my pregnancy underwear….like 6 years after giving birth. I HAD to try them on. I look pretty stellar in them…if I do say so myself… LOL
Haha, you are hilarious, chica! But I’m totally with you on this–a bikini calendar for little girls?? WTF?! I’m pissed off for you on this. What kind of message is that sending to little girls? I think professional cheerleading is an intense sport that requires a lot of strength, determination and dedication, but that is NOT the message you are sending with the calendar.
Right?! Definitely NOT happening. It was VERY strange. lol
I literally don’t know what to say- a bikini calendar for little girls? That is wrong, just wrong. Go on with your feministy self and shut that shit down!
It was honestly shocking, Jill. I am pretty chill but this was like WOAH–not cool.
Every woman needs to love her own body, and every woman should own a swimsuit that makes her look and feel sexy, beautiful, confident and sophisticated. At Kate Swim, that’s exactly what you get.
My 6 year old doesn’t need to feel sexy, beautiful, confident, or sophisticated in her swimsuit. Selling swimsuit calendars to young girls is not in any way acceptable or appropriate.
Kate swim, clearly you just grabbed your nearest cut and paste marketing ploy without reading the article. Now you may cut and paste an ignorant a**hole sign on your head, you just blew a ton of future sales.
Yeah, not the best marketing strategy….AT ALL. #FAIL
I swear I want to punch them in the throat. I’m with you Ash. On a side note, is it just my blind twisted ass, or are Haydan’s feet missing from the begger photo? Lmao I haven’t drank today. Maybe that’s the problem.
Totally agree with all of this! You’re hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!!
HAHA! Grace–she is wearing tan boots that completely blend into the tile!! lol. Yeah, no ‘sexy, beautiful, confident and sophisticated’ swimsuits for Barb anytime in the near future..or ever…. Good GRIEF.