Reward Cards Are Busting My Chops

 

As some might say (my husband), I am an avid shopper. Not necessarily a ‘girly’ shopper who is on the hunt for the latest Monolo Blahnik’s and a nice handbag, per say. I more so fall into the ‘I spend money on shit because it’s on sale and I have a coupon’ category.

Electric Skillet to make ‘the perfect pancakes’- only $20.00 with a 15% off coupon AND an extra $3.00 savings with your ‘Frequent Shopper Reward Card’?

CHECK!

Buy 9 Mascaras and get one free with the use of your ‘We Care Rewards Card’?

CHECK!

Buy five bottles of liquor, get one 10% off when using your ‘We Sell Booze Reward Card’?

DOUBLE CHECK!

 

We were out for sushi the other night and as Justin was handing the credit card over to the waitress to pay our tab, he said: ‘OH! Wait! I have a frequent sushi shopping card!’ as he dumped the contents of his wallet onto the table to find it.

Smash: You have a REWARD card for SUSHI?

Justin: Yeah, I have had it for about four years.

Smash: And what have you received in return?

Justin: Well, when you spend $500 you get twenty dollars off or a free sushi roll… or something…

Smash: I hate to turn the tables and play your typical role here (A.K.A. Be a total buzz kill), but there is something seriously wrong with that program. $500.00!? Only to receive $20.00 off or a free sushi roll….and you are four years into this program and still have yet to receive anything?!

Justin: Well, sometimes I forget to use it.

Smash: We should probably just stop this conversation effective immediately. This is ridiculous. I am starting to sweat. That is absolutely absurd. These reward cards have gone too far.

A Sushi Reward card is nothing short of FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

I came home and thought about it. I looked through my wallet and found these ‘reward cards’:

• 2 Beauty Shops
• 3 Drug Stores
• 4 Grocery Stores
• 2 Yogurt Shops
• 2 Smoothie Shops
• 2 Sandwich Shops
• 2 Coffee Shops
• 1 Restaurant
• ….countless others…

Furthermore, I found my favorite card: TARGET’S RED CARD! It is actually a credit card but….you get 5% off with every purchase!!

Justin quickly reminded me that the APR on the Target card is like 25% and I, for one, never remember to pay the bill, and two, if I do, I certainly don’t make the payment in full. Meaning, I may save 5% initially, but I inevitably end up tacking on an additional 20% to the actual total. Genius move, Target.

The fact that I had to purchase a little ‘reward-card-pouch’, in conjunction with my wallet, just to hold all of these damn cards really does none other than drive the point straight on home, folks.

I am making an open statement to all reward-card touting stores: QUIT THE SHIT.

I’d appreciate if you just offered me a normal price without some ridiculous card that I have to search for through 19 different pockets in my purse, one wallet, one ‘reward-card-pouch’—all while holding up the line of multiple annoyed patrons because I’m trying to use my ice cream punch-card at Sephora.

I have more reward cards than I own pairs of shoes. And I’m counting each shoe separately…

It’s time to boycott the reward cards, friends. Make a bonfire with them tonight.

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