Well, today I decided to get dressed. ((GASP!!!)) Just kidding–I really only changed my underpants and threw on some (dare I say it…) ‘yoga’ pants. While doing so, I realized my under-roo’s drawer was so jam packed that I could hardly get the damn thing to close.
I had actually created a ‘To Do’ list during the holidays (‘holidays’ as in..Christmas..) that LITERALLY said ‘clean out underwear drawer’. Needless to say, that never happened.
After trying to jam the effin’ drawer closed for five minute and giving myself what I am sure will be a bruise tomorrow morning on my hip, I made the executive decision to CLEAN OUT MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER. (You are reading this correctly, this is actually a blog post about me cleaning out my ‘intimates’ drawer. Please feel free to exit…now. If you are an odd ball and completely relate to the madness you will soon see pictured below, please….dive on in…
I decided to start with the basics: sort through the socks and make a sock pile, sort through the underwear-make an underpants pile, and so on and so on… This is what a started with:
Yeah. My thoughts exactly…what a clusterfuck. Regardless, off I went! On my route to ORGANIZATION! WOOP WOOP! As I was sorting through underpants and socks I am pretty sure I had in college—I came across something ASTOUNDING. No, I did not find a unicorn or a dinosaur in my underwear drawer—better yet, I found…WAIT FOR IT…
PREGNANT LADY UNDERWEAR!!! Yep! It doesn’t get better than this. The fact that I have moved three times since Haydan was born is what really makes this all the more fabulous. I have RELOCATED THESE GEMS THREE TIMES! And!! There were MULTIPLE PAIRS of these beauties.
I am not quite sure who was more entertained…myself, or Haydan. She couldn’t believe the size of these puppies. I mean these are FULL ON ‘PARACHUTE’ style underwear. (Photo Credit: Haydan for the amazing photography)
Needless to say, I was definitely not one of those ‘hot’ and ‘sexy’ pregnant mommas. Shit, look at me now, I rock out in my stretchy pants (which you can see tucked nicely under my pregnancy underwear I was modeling for you in the above photos) nearly every single day and most days forget to shave both armpits. I was a BIG, HOT, MESS while I was pregnant.
Most people would think this is a little ‘bit’ to keep to themselves. I am more so amazed. I am amazed that I ever had the thought capacity to even buy those bad boys, furthermore, actually wear them…and MOST OF ALL–KEEP THEM FOR SEVEN YEARS!
Wow, today was a good day. I tossed them in the trash. These things were too good for my Goodwill donations. Actually, I should have, the people at Goodwill could have easily assembled one of those termite tents they use to cover homes with all that fabric that was used in making those bad ass pregnancy under roos.
Yes, go ahead, say it, —I am THAT awesome.
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