Sending Christmas cards is something that families do. I get it- it’s cute, a fun way to show a couple pics of how your family has changed, how your kids have grown, and how you now have a few new gray hairs sprouting on the top of your head. I’ve also found this to be a great excuse to get a haircut, wax both my eyebrows and the stache’. I still pluck that random chin hair, though…
I’ve tried to write Christmas letters but for one reason or another they just never came across as authentic. I mean, they were real and the crap I wrote about was true and all, but it just didn’t sound like me. I knew my mom would read it and yawn.
I sat down and tried to think about what I would write in my Christmas letter this year. It seemed ‘fluffy’ and not ‘Ashley’. So, I’ve decided to make an open Christmas letter to my family and three friends– seeing they are likely the only ones who likely read my blog…and that’s even debatable…
Dear Family & friends,
Well, would ya look at that!? Another year has come and gone! Haydan is now 7 and hasn’t lost anymore teeth. Justin is 37 and still has all his teeth, I’m now 30 and my teeth…well, let’s just say the dentist and I are real tight these days. I think I have a reserved chair in his office…
Haydan is in first grade and has ambitions to grow up to be a ‘vegetarian’. You know, the ‘vegetarians’ that help animals. She hates taking a bath and is certain that mermaids and sharks can and will get into the bathtub with her via the faucet. I can blame the aforementioned on my stellar decision to purchase her an iPad for her 7th birthday. Apparently Siri will answer any question you throw at her, and when she is fairly uncertain, she will redirect you to YouTube. And guess what? There are videos of mermaids and sharks in bathtubs blessing the pages of YouTube. So, Haydan has turned into a mega-hippie overnight and we are about a day away from dread-locking her hair. Thanks, Siri.
Justin turned 37 this year which means he is closer to forty than thirty. His knees ache and he groans like an old man every time he sits down. I am considering getting him a the ‘Clap On’ and a golf membership. He runs the business on the outside and I am his go-to-bitch on the inside, the office. We are a good team and we get er’ done! He works hard and is still the handsome stallion that I married.
Ashley? Me. Welp, I started this blog in May and I am having a hell of a lot of fun with it. It seems to be the perfect place to let my freak-flag fly and apparently, there are a few people out there who appreciate Smash and her Smash-isms. I learned how to work a computer, operate a website, and use Tweeter. I am really succeeding in life… 😉
Madden is still a total jerk and peed on Justin’s pillow this year in addition to our beautiful area rug. On a brighter note, he only bit one person (me), only ran away six times, and only attacked the dog groomer…every time.
Brody turned 70 yesterday and has total senior citizen status. He only likes Justin and was recently diagnosed with a few senior citizen health problems which has put serious shock to our bank account. Brody’s medications now exceed the price of our entire family’s pharmacy bill each month. Brody really does need ObamaCare.
Edwin is a badass and lives in the bonus room. We bought him the mega-boss of bunny cages and he said ‘fuck that’ and decided to take over the ENTIRE bonus room of our home. He is better trained than both our dogs and he has ‘what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem’. That could be in part to Haydan’s feeding him morning, noon and night. Who knows? He is happy and we love him.
To those of you who follow along on the crazy journey that is SmashleyAshley, I am grateful to you. I hope your holiday is filled with many laughs and memories. To my family, if you’re still reading this blog 7 months in, thank-you for still liking me.
XO- Justin, Smash, & Haydan
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