*Friends, there are affiliate links in this post for Amazon. If you buy Hungry Hungry Hippos, or a unitard, I make like .18 cents. Just a heads up.
She’s back at it again, folks. The most in-touch-with-reality woman, Gwyneth Paltrow, has released her 2015 holiday gift guide–and THANK GOODNESS. Some of these suggestions, well, I just don’t know what I’d do without. How I’ve gone this far in my life without these things is BEYOND me. She’s really opened my eyes on this one. Last year it was the $550.00 traveling backgammon set, but this year really tops the cake.
So, if some of you are keen on scoping out some of the scores that good ol’ Gwynnie put together for us this year, but you are a totally normal person who doesn’t spend $90,000 on an “awesome” gift, well, I have come up with a solution– we will call it the “Realistic version of Gwyneth Paltrow’s
idiotic holiday gift guide!”
Gwynnie suggests a “World View Exploration at the Edge of Space” trip for 90K.
Smash’s Suggestion: Glow in the dark sticky stars for your ceiling. Gives your room a total “I am in outer space” look. I bet Gwynnie has these plastered throughout her entire house!
2. And, this beautiful unitard, because who doesn’t need a unitard for $260.00? Exactly.
However, if I am being honest here, I’d say that if you are going to go for this look– you should REALLY go for it! Personally, I’d choose this one:
3. This completely practical $244.00 toothpaste squeezer from WallpaperSTORE.com
Smash’s Alternative: Something that does the exact same thing, yet cost 1/200th of the price (and I’m not good at math, so I’m totally guessing on that aforementioned fraction.)
4. An everyday Mah Jong set for only $46,000.00! Screw getting a NEW CAR, or in some places, A HOME– You can have your very own Hermes Mah Jong game set! WAHOOO!!!
Smash’s Alternative for the poor person (like her):
HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS, BABY!!!!
5. There is actually a “vintage” ball and chain in Ms. Paltrow‘s gift guide this year for $1,500.00
6. Yet another amazing feature of Gwynee Boo’s holiday gift guide is “After Poo Drops” for the practical price of $49.50. Yes, you read that correctly.
Smash’s Realistic Suggestion:
Three cans of Glade spray. It covers the poo smell really well. So does a MATCH, and those are FREE at the gas station.
7. This $150.00 hairbrush. I thought I’d read in the description that it magically colored your grey’s for you as you brushed your hair- but no.
8. THIS VAGINA STEAMING SEAT!!
Smash’s alternative suggestion:
9. The world’s most expensive toilet paper!
ORRRRR, you could go with this FANTASTIC option that Smash found for you!
10. 18K Gold Dumbbells. No, I am NOT kidding.
However, if you are buying for ME this holiday season, I’d prefer this alternative:
And, there you have it. Smash’s practical version of little Ms. Paltrow’s awesome holiday gift guide. If you need any further suggestions, please don’t hesitate to ask. Clearly, I am VERY good at this.
If you enjoyed this post (or even if you hated it– I take what I can get) would you mind clicking on the brown banner below? Every click tells the world that I am funny and I really need that kind of validation in my life. And a cheeseburger. Thanks. Love, SMASH