We have been having a continuous bout of ‘I am scared of the bathtub’ in our home lately.
Justin and I couldn’t put our finger on what the hell was going on. Haydan used to be a HUGE fan of the bathtub. She loved taking long, dawn-out baths with Barbies, toys, bubbles, and tidal waves that often extended to the carpeted edges of our bedrooms.
She loved bath time so much that she’d even bring Justin Bieber into the mix. The doll… not the real Justin Beaver. I wouldn’t let that idiot with a ten foot radius of my daughter…and he is Canadian, which is saying a lot. I love my Canadians.
However, that just drives my point. She knew that bringing her signing Beaver Bieber doll into the tub would wreck his amazing auto-tuned voice seeing he operates with the same audio pack I’d imagine he does when ‘preforming live’.
Justin Beaver in his tuxedo, Barbie’s in their full glitter gowns, Dr. Bronner’s—The kid was ALL about bath time. Then, something happened.
Now, each night we run the bath, Haydan somehow seems to escape from actually following through with her bathing routine.
The first few times we didn’t really notice. Haydan is seven-years-old. To me, that is beyond a capable age to take a bath in private. We start the bath, full it up with bubbles, and let her play away until she is ready for one of us to scrub her hair. By the time we go in to check to see if she is ready for her hair-wash, she is sitting in her bed already in her pajamas….playing on her new iPad she was gifted for her 7th birthday a few weeks ago.
The first few times we let it slide. I don’t even wash my hair every day, I sure as hell wasn’t going to jump on her back for not washing her own.
We’ve noticed more and more frequently that she’s been hopping out of the tub long before we even turn the bathtub faucet off.
Finally, last night she admitted to us that she is really scared there’s a chance that sharks can somehow get into the tub with her. We assured her that even though we live within 15 minutes of the beach/ocean, there is no way a shark can come out of the bathtub faucet and land in the tub with her.
‘I would have to physically drive to the beach, catch a shark, drive it back to the house, and put it IN THE TUB with you for that to be even remotely possible. GET IN THE TUB!’ Justin explained.
She jumped in and out in about 3 seconds and it was over…again.
Last night, same shit happens!
We fill the entire tub up with water…at HER request. She jumps in, sits down, stands up, and hops out.
We give her the ‘There are kids in countries who would give anything to have a glass of fresh drinking water and you’re sitting your butt in the tub and hopping out! You are wasting perfectly good water on giving your bottom a nice splash—this is ridiculous!’
So, I sit her down and ask her what the hell is going on. Her response was not at all what I was anticipating:
Smash: What’s going on? Why are you so scared of the bath? There are no sharks in the tub!
Haydan: Yes, it can happen.
Smash: NO! It cannot! Where are you getting your intel, muffin?
Haydan: Siri told me.
Smash: Who is Siri?
Haydan: One of my friends.
Smash: Do you know her from school?
Haydan: No, I met her on my new iPad.
Smash: Ohhhh. Oh, wow. ((kicking myself for not thinking about Siri when approaching parental controls))
Haydan: Siri showed me a video of sharks in a bathtub. It can happen!
Apparently, Haydan has been consulting Siri on many subject lately; including, however, not limited to: ‘Can sharks get into the bathtub?’, ‘Do Barbie’s come to life at night, Siri?’ and even questioning my affinity for dinosaurs…
We sat down and had a little chat with Haydan and explained the workings of Siri. Furthermore, that Siri is a computer and not her friend, regardless of how nice and intelligent she may seem.
Clearly, this went straight over her head because the next thing to come out of her mouth was: ‘So, you are trying to tell me that unicorns are not real?!?!?’
Smash: Yes, that is exactly what I am telling you. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
Haydan: WELL THEN WHY DID THE UNICORN IN THE VIDEO SAY NEEIIGHHHHH?!?!
Smash: Because it was likely a horse!
Haydan: No, it had a horn.
Smash: Fine, it must have been real. BUT, the sharks in the tub—not real.
I will keep you posted on this debate….right after I figure out how to disable Siri, my daughters new best friend. However, at this point, she is in the lead. Haydan’s entire body has not had a ‘real’ bath in four days. Her bottom? Definitely clean.
Siri, I used to think you offered convenience and some excellent driving directions when my husband was certain he wasn’t lost— but that has largely been outweighed.
You now have my kid thinking that it’s completely possible that sharks could end up in the tub with her, that unicorns are real, and you’ve showed her one too many videos of mermaids that I, too, am beginning to question their reality. However, I refuse to consult you on the mermaid topic to further investiage. We are in a fight that far exceeds a quarrel. This is full-blown, Siri.
You are dead to me, Siri. DEAD TO ME.
Okay, maybe we just need to re-establish our relationship and draw some clear boundaries. I really do need you in some cases. I might need your help with further set-up of parental controls on the iPad. Also, nearly as important, driving in the car with my husband. You do often come in handy…
Alright, we’ll talk it out…likely the next time I’m trapped in the car with my husband driving to a destination he is certain exists, yet, I’m sure you’ll side with me that it does not.
Bahaha! That bitch, Siri sounds like a major pot – stirrer to me. Time to switch to a DROID!
that might be next on the list. Oh, and I just bought Justin the iphone 6 for xmas. SHIT.
Tell her that sharks only come to tubs that have girls that don’t bathe in them. The only way to keep them away is to get in and get clean. Then, tell her that Siri wasn’t being a good bather and the shark ate her. Problem solved. Also, I don’t recommend doing any of that.
That might just be the best idea ever. I LOVE THAT. ‘The shark ate Siri because she wouldn’t take a bath. GET IN THE TUB! QUICK!’
That’s too funny. I caught Blaine with my android phone talking to a siri-esc app that I didn’t know was there. Luckily, he was only trying to get it to locate Thomas the train videos.
Thank God! Haydan was being redirected to YouTube and being shown videos that mermaids ‘REALLY DO EXIST’ and that ‘sharks can totally get in the tub with you’. Immediately investigated FURTHER parental controls. Good GRIEF.
Siri is an asshole. I’m sure Haydan will out grow this phase once she has something else to freak out about lol Maybeyou should buy her a special bubble bath “shark repellant”?
OMG!! Samantha!! That is the coolest idea EVER!! I love that so much– Genius. You are a genius. I am honestly going to do that. I will make something!!
Siri at it again! I love Samantha’s idea. Oh, maybe a shower instead? Since sharks need a body of water. lol
since sharks need a body of water LOL!!! She finally took a shower and actually washed her hair. THANK GOD. I am totally going to do what Samantha said. I will make a picture on Canva or Pic Monkey and tape it to a water bottle and put some food coloring or something in there and she can spray away at the tub until she is certain no sharks can enter. I’ll make some really great saying to go with it. “SHARKS BE GONE–KILL THE ‘SHARKS’ IN ONE SPRAY!”LOL
I cant tell you how many times I have cursed out Siri in my car when I am just trying to find an address or phone number. That is pretty funny that she has all these convos with Siri!
Yes, and Siri seems just as conversational!! She is like bad dictionary with visuals. UGH.
OMG that is funny! Just wait…until she is older and then the questions become REALLY scary! I mean…they are usually gross and disgusting followed by how do you even think of these questions! The best is when my kids get a hold of my stuff and change siri’s voice to some foreign language speaking being. Then Gianna changed my name to Spongebob Squarepants and when ever I’d ask Siri a question, she’d follow it up with something like, I will look that up on the web for you Spongebob Squarepants. OMG GIANNA GET DOWN HERE AND FIX SIRI & MY NAME!!!! lol Enjoy!
hahahaha!!! Phyllis!! That is amazing!! My phones refer to my by Smash and Mrs. Dinosaur. However, that was at my own doing…so..yeah…lol
That is too funny and I totally can understand except Siri is Youtube in our family. Damn you Sharks!
that is where Siri was redirecting her!! AGHH!!!
DAMN YOU SHARKS!! hahaha
Bahahahahaha. This is too funny. Kids are the greatest. Siri is an odd individual & definitely gives some intriguing answers sometimes. Thank goodness sharks can’t make their way in to the tub. Phew.
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Siri IS an odd individual! She knows WAY too much about me, similarly to Google. I wonder if Google and Siri hang out…?
That is at the same time hilarious and so sad. Poor Hayden! She’s legitimately scared, and it can be hard to reason with a young child, especially when your friend tells you something that is so obviously true 😉
Bev, we had a bath success last night! She asked me if the ocean was under our house. I told her ‘no’, obviously. She asked what was under the house–I told her ‘dirt’….then came ‘SNAKES?! YOU THINK THERE ARE SNAKES UNDER THERE!?’ I said ‘No, that’s why we moved away from AZ.’ hahaha. Regardless, SHE TOOK A BATH! WOOO HOOOO!! CLEAN CHILD!! WINNING!