As most of you know, my one dream in life is to be a dinosaur. Well, a dancing dinosaur.
Now, I realize that I cannot be an actual dinosaur, but being the creative human that I am, I’ve found some pretty amazing ways to get in touch with my prehistoric self. Halloween costumes, roaring at random children down the aisles of Target, and T-shirts that announce my love of dinosaurs to the world all bring me back to my jurassic roots.
As luck would have it, this pretty spectacular company found me me and asked me to be a dinosaur permanently!
Alright, maybe that isn’t exactly how the conversation unfolded, but I’m known for making for some pretty uncomfortable e-mails. I have to be professional ALL day long at my real job, so when I get e-mails asking me about dinosaur costumes, you’d better believe I am going to come back atcha with a DINOriffic response.
So, I met my new best friend (next to Amazon), Kawaii Kigu, and they asked me if I would be interested in trying one of their products. Just as I normally do when I am contacted by a company, I went to their website and typed “dinosaur” into the search bar. Now, typically, this search doesn’t garner many results. However, this time I encountered much different results! I came across the most amazing new dinosaur outfit–one that would make me a permanent, COMFORTABLE, dinosaur. If there is anything I love more than dinosaurs, it’s
stretchy pants comfort!
So, once I received my new dinosaur skin, I decided that I’d tell you a story about a dinosaur named “Smashasaurus-Rex.” And thus, I present to you:
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A DINOSAUR!
The ferocious Smashasaurus-Rex arises from her slumber and searches for her morning breakfast prey—while drinking Pumpkin Spice coffee.
After devouring all the plants in the backyard, and one asshole stegosaurus, the dinosaur heads off to work. Once there, she realizes that work is for the birds and decides to go to the beach.
The dinosaur is very happy at the beach and decides she wants to go surfing. However, she then remembers her small arms likely won’t keep her afloat very long, so she decides to dry-surf…without a surfboard.
The dinosaur decides that dry-surfing without a surfboard is really lame, so, she switches activities and becomes a zen, yoga dinosaur.
The dinosaur realizes that it’s hot being a dinosaur trying to stand in sand while accomplishing the “tree pose,” and who is she kidding anyways, this dinosaur doesn’t exercise! HA!! So, she decides to go to the chiropractor for an adjustment….
After a confusing lesson on the skeletal system, some random mumbo jumbo about exercise being good for you–or something like that…
…the dinosaur receives her adjustment, and springs back to life! She decides to stop at the grocery store on her way home to pick up some dinner. Dinosaurs love carnitas.
JUST THEN, the dinosaur becomes immediately distracted because…
She meets a new friend!! Confused and lured by his incredibly small stature, it makes her hungry, so she wanders off to….
THE MEAT SECTION!!
And the dinosaur is quickly told by Ralph’s employees that dinosaurs are not allowed to eat raw flank steaks without paying. The dinosaur is confused, so she decides to leave the store.
But on her way out….
THE DINOSAUR FINDS THE VODKA!!!
The dinosaur makes a pact with the Vodka that he and she will be new best friends, and she continues on her way out. Just as she is about to leave Ralph’s, the dinosaur decides to check her blood pressure.
Numbers scare dinosaurs, so she decides she should really go home. Her dinosaur dog probably has to go pee.
While on her walk, the dinosaur passes all types of runners with beautiful, sun-kissed suntans. However, this dinosaur believes in SPF100 sunscreen due to a fair complexion, so she hits up the spray tan booth to get her dino-tan on.
Upon completion of spray tan, it’s time to pick up her DinoBarb
With DinoBarb in tow, the dinosaur family heads home so dinoBarb can finish homework, and dinoMom can get started on dinner and kind of clean the house….
After cleaning her dinosaur home, and making her dinosaur family carnitas, the dinosaur is tired and goes to bed, only to wake up the next day and do it all over again. Except, maybe that day she stays at work for a little bit so her dinosaur family isn’t evicted from their dinohome..and so she can support her new favorite activities- eating meat and drinking vodka.
If you want to be a dinosaur just like Smashasaurus Rex, click here and check out Kawaii Kigu so we can have matching dinosaur suits!!!!
I hope you guys enjoyed this post- I honestly had SO much fun putting it together!
Love to you ALL!
And as always, please, PLEASE click the brown banner below on your way out!! One click may seem like nothing, but each unique click on that button helps better rank my site so much more than you know!!