9 Ways Shit Gets Hairy When Momma’s Out of Commission
As some of you know, I had surgery on my jaw last Saturday. I had everything all together in terms of food for after surgery, my mom and dad lined up to look after Haydan, and the house was spic and span and ready for me to be down for the count for roughly a week.
Good news, I am feeling much better, bad news, my house and life have been turned upside down and it will easily take me a month to get everything back in order.
1.) Haydan has weekly homework assignments. Justin helped her with the written packet but I apparently seem to be the only one who knows how to operate the on-line site to complete the on-line homework. I set Haydan up on my laptop, walked away and returned twenty minutes later to find that she had bombed the quiz. The quiz that I should have been over her shoulder reading the questions aloud to her. I think she was reading the Daily Mail about Ryan Gosling becoming a dad….that or stalking Justin Bieber on Twitter.
2.) Socks!! Socks seem to magically disappear when you are resting up, or at all times for that matter. I even hit up Costco to ensure we would have enough socks to last Haydan while I was in bed binging on Netflix and blended food. I’m pretty sure she has worn two different socks to school each and every day this past week.
3.) My refrigerator looks like someone ransacked it and then put it all back together again in the most inconvenient way possible. The milk has fallen out EVERY SINGLE TIME I’ve opened the fridge this week.
4.) I’m pretty sure I have formed a complete unibrow while I’ve been on the mend and furthermore, I am now the color of ‘Casper’ with a lapse in my sunless tanning schedule. I saw a friend at the grocery store yesterday and I’m pretty sure she didn’t recognize me due to my ‘snow white’ complexion (I’m being kind to myself here with the ‘Snow White’ reference), hell, she probably saw right though me! Remember, you could see right through Casper, he was so pale?
5.) How is humanly possible that a bathing schedule can be disturbed when the momma bear isn’t at the day-to-day helm? Haydan has now informed me that she does not like taking baths and that ‘bubbles scare her’. WHAT. THE. FUCK?! I told her being picked up by CPS for dirt forming in the crevices of her mouth would be far scarier than the fair trade Dr. Bronner’s bubbles that frolic peacefully in the tub with her.
6.) Haydan got into a bar of chocolate ExLax…I wont even bother to go into that one. All I can say is this weekend may be interesting…for her.
7.) The rabbit went missing for all of Tuesday.
8.) I have enough work piled on my desk that I am having nightmares back to when I was in college cramming the night before finals or all the assignments I put off to the last minute.
9.) MY HOUSE. Oh, my poor, poor house. Dead plants, weird shit in weird places, apparently someone started decorating for fall without me (with ONE pumpkin) and apparently there was a slumber party in my living room that I know nothing about. I can’t decide if I am sad/relieved I wasn’t invited…..
…..as I was writing this, a number 10 snuck it’s way in…….
10. Justin: ‘DAMNIT!!! THE DOG JUST PEED ON HAYDAN’S PILLOW!!’
….and…I’m BACCKKKKK!! Thank-You, Jesus!