5 Years

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5 years ago today, this remarkable woman, whom I called ‘Grandma’ took her last breaths on Earth and her first steps into Heaven.

As you know, the older you get, the more familiar you are with death. The longer you live, the more inevitable the chances are at some point, you will face tragedies–one of the more difficult, death.

As a kid, it feels as though time cannot go fast enough. You plead with God to make you 18 so you can stay out past state curfew, excitedly anticipate your 21st birthday so you can tag along with all your buddies to ‘da club’…

However, as you age, that entire thought process seems to greatly change. You want to slow time down. Once you become a parent, this becomes even more apparent. You look at pictures of your child from a year ago on TimeHop and think ‘What the hell!? THAT WAS A YEAR AGO!?’ Or even worse, looking through old photos for a good ‘Throw Back Thursday’ and you get a really big punch in the gut….

because time really does fly…

Moments that feel like months ago are in fact, years ago, and even worse, ones that can never be re-created or re-lived. Death is so many things: inevitable, painful, sad, but most of all, it really stinks. The circle of life is beautiful, but at the same time, it’s a painful circle to be encompassed in.

My Grandma was amazing. She could pop her head into a kitchen refrigerator that had nothing but a stick of butter, a stock of celery, and combine that with some random findings in a pantry and somehow turned it into delicious meal.

I am a lot different than she was. She was quiet, well spoken, very well read, absurdly intelligent, and graceful. I think she had read every single book on the planet. She never went to college but she knew more about literature, the world, and current events than any person I’ve ever met. She could have easily won every episode of Jeopardy and could provide you with almost any piece of factual information you could ever need or not need to know. ha.

I once had to do a book report on ‘20,000 Leagues Under the Sea’. The report was due the next day and I had a month to read the book. Go figure, I never read the book. I went to her in a panic and told her that I hadn’t read the book and I didn’t know what to do or what to write about. How the hell do you write a book report on a book where you hadn’t even read the ‘Table of Contents’? Oh, well, not to worry—my Grandma had read that book, multiple times actually. She sat up with me all night and told me all about the story, what it was about, and how it definitely wasn’t one of her favorite books (haha). I had a book report all put together by morning thanks to her.

So, today, I am remembering and reminded that life is fragile. Life is fast. I am reminded to stop and listen to Haydan’s rambling story about her dream that involved a pony with wings and a dinosaur who was wearing high heels. I am reminded to stop and love. I am reminded to pull my eyes away from the screen and absorb the goodness that is around me. I am reminded to let go of the petty shit and keep my head in the right direction–even if I’m sometimes in the clouds.

So, today I stop, even if it is just for a moment–stop to remember a remarkable woman and her bad ass husband (my amazing Grandpa) and am reminded of what they stood for: family, goodness, & love.